Absence of Grief: Surviving and Thriving in a Bipolar World

Cora Gail Gunn Trent
AuthorHouse (2004)
ISBN 1418495077
Reviewed by Lorraine Robins for Reader Views (4/06)

The title of this book indicates a lack of emotion from the author. Ironically, she conveys pure emotion through this book by paying tribute to a husband she obviously loved and admired greatly. There is so much emotion that you will need tissues to wipe your tears while reading. This is a touching story of a woman who loved and appreciated the strength, courage and kindness of her husband while he was living with severe mental and emotional pain. As his widow, she looks back on her experience standing by him and behind him during their entire marriage.

The author's husband, Harry, was Bi-polar. Unfortunately for him and his family, it was a time when mental illness was completely misunderstood. His condition involved extreme panic attacks, depression, irrational behavior and thoughts, and close attempts at suicide. He was also an Alcoholic. When he sought help from professionals, he was told that he had a bad case of "nerves". That he was drinking too much. Drinking was Harry's only way of calming himself. He was actually self-medicating with alcohol. He wasn't given other options. He felt so low at times that more than once he took a gun and planned to end his life. Luckily, his wife was able to stop him.

Despite his illness, Harry provided for his wife and five children. He worked hard his entire life while feeling extreme anxiety and depression. He had a low opinion of himself as well. But the author knew what kind of man he was. Cora saw him as a man with courage and character. A man who was hurting, but went out of his way to make sure he did not hurt others, especially his family. The poetry, stories and descriptions of Harry left me feeling how deeply she loved and cared for this man. He was the love of her life. Though things were tough at times, she had no regrets that she loved, married and spent most of herlife with this man.

The author feels that she has not grieved and that this is strange. However, I believe she has chosen to appreciate the good times she had with Harry. She stayed strong through her marriage and remains strong after his death. I believe we could all learn from her example of seeing all the good Harry had in him, and of being non-judgmental of his illness and self-perceived weaknesses. She sees his death as not an end of his life, but an end to his pain. Thus, his death is the beginning of his final peace.

This is a captivating book. I recommend it for anyone who has a love in their life. For me, that is my husband. I think anyone who is married, like me, can relate to struggles in a marriage. While the struggles may be different from the author's, I believe readers will still relate. Those who cannot relate will be fascinated to learn about struggling with mental illness.

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