The Upside of the Down Low: A Pastor’s Wife’s Memoir

Yolanda King Stephen
No Ordinary Rose Publications (2011)
ISBN 9780983628514
Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (11/11) 


Having been born into a family of preachers, there should have been very few surprises for Yolanda King Stephen after she married PJ, as the charismatic Pastor Jacksyn is called in her narrative. Their courtship was quite intense, if always chaste, the three-carat, Asscher-cut diamond stunning, the wedding an affair to be long remembered. So everything started really well. Or did it?

Delving deeper into the story, the reader can’t help thinking that there were warning signs from the very beginning, some of them rather blazing, yet the new wife determinedly went along with whatever PJ decided on doing. Yes, there were some minor rebellions, but by and large Yolanda did her best to be an obedient and supportive wife. The signs kept coming, and she continued to ignore them. Not that I blame her in the slightest... I think it is simply human nature, and possibly even more so a woman’s nature, to be supportive, nurturing, understanding and positive. There were more signs, and more fights, and finally the grand revelation. I do not want to give away too much of the story here, but suffice to say that the sins which were revealed were simply too much to take and even the ever obedient and supportive pastor’s wife finally had enough. After revealing to PJ that she knew about his sins, and telling him in no uncertain terms that she will not stand by mutely supporting him any longer, Yolanda stood firm. PJ tried to convince her to give him another chance, and then he decided on another path altogether. No, I will not tell you here what that was, but you better get a box of tissues ready.

“The Upside of the Down Low” is a brave and much needed book, dealing with the subjects that are usually hushed down and ignored. It very clearly shows how diamond rings, fancy clothing and 600-thread-count sheets do not make a marriage happy, and that it ALWAYS takes two to make a union work. It also clearly depicts how one can and will rise above any adversity, even of the worst kind, when one’s belief is strong enough. Kudos to the author for daring to bare her soul as well as the inner workings of her husband’s church.

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