When A Man You Love Was Abused: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation

Cecil Murphey
Kregel Publications (2010)
ISBN 9780825433535
Reviewed by Carol Hoyer, PhD, for Reader Views (07/10)


Finally a book that a man has written on being abused and living in a dysfunctional home- we don’t see this too much these days. Cecil Murphey has shared his story, painful as it may be, to help women who are in a relationship with an abused man.  As women we are caretakers and want to solve all problems for those we love who suffer. However, as Murphey says- you can’t resolve this for the man- you can be supportive, empathetic and understanding.

Murphey has written this book in two parts. In the first part of the book, he shares his experiences and experiences of other men he has met and worked with so that readers get a better understanding of the emotions and behaviors men exhibit. This must have been a great healing journey for him.

In addition, the author helps women understand all the questions they have, like: “Why can’t I help him?,” “Why does he shut me out?,” “Why can’t he talk about this?” He reminds us that when a man was abused as a boy, there are several wounds, many of which cannot be explained. The abuse wasn’t about sex- it could have been power, control or other deep-lying issues.  One issue that I appreciated the author addressing was that even if a boy was abused, it doesn’t mean they will be homosexual. That is a myth that many believe.

The author also addressed, which I thought was important- if the survivor was molested by a man or woman.  Murphey is very insightful and thoughtful; he did not write this book as a judgment.

The second part of the book addresses how you as a woman can help your loved one or friend. One of the sections I particularly liked was believe in him and help him believe. How do we do this? The author gives several concrete ideas to help one through this. Another important point was “Be careful about touch.” I found the second part to be very informative and helpful as to what one can do.

I applaud the author for taking this journey of healing, so that he could help others who have experienced the same. “When A Man You Love Was Abused” was a discussion in my college psychology class and I recommend everyone from loved ones to professionals have this in their resource library.

Make comment on weblog

FTC Disclosure