Callipygian: An Erotic Enigma

R. LeGrande
iUniverse (2007)
ISBN 9780595453689
Reviewed by Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson for Reader Views (12/07) 


The back cover of R. LeGrande’s “Callipygian” boasts, “Winner of No Awards! Panned by Critics! But a Favorite of Adult Readers!” You can bet that I could hardly wait to open this book and immerse myself in it. If that would not be enough, the subtitle stated that we were dealing with ‘An Erotic Enigma.’ My curiosity was definitely aroused (please, pardon the pun!)…

Lorna, an intensely curious virgin, gets an afternoon job at the architectural firm of the highly unusual and very reclusive, yet immensely gifted architect, Lorenz Are. From the moment she enters his compound, she discovers a world far removed from the house of her very strict and very fundamental parents.  From wearing skimpy costumes to participating in group massages and more, Lorna explores her sexuality with all of the members of Mr. Are’s staff, the only exception being the big boss himself. Mr. Are also prohibits anybody from deflowering the extremely eager young lady until she graduates.

What follows is a long list of barely-connected 54 chapters, in which the author explores a seemingly endless number of variations, combinations and permutations of the type “he inserted his x into her y, all the while stroking her left q with his right z.” The storyline is barely there, and the supposedly important events, including the implied ‘enigma,’ appear to be inserted solely for yet another permutation of the above variations, and introduction of a greatly amusing detective, who provided some of the best laughs in the book.  (Imagine this highly professional detective ordering himself, “No more erections!” and in a chapter a little bit further on, “No more hard-ons!”). I very much doubt that the author intended this book to be humorous, but after a while that’s all I could see in it.

The writing was stiff (pardon the pun again!) and quite repetitive. Most of the book was “tell” and there was very little “show.” All of the characters had an annoying habit of talking to themselves to clarify events. The descriptions of places, people and objects read like something out of a catalogue. Take a look at a couple of examples:

1. Dinner had consisted of pomegranate-glazed, roast duckling, hot whole wheat dill rolls, spaghetti squash, and mixed green salad.
2. Dave thought, “The vanilla rug with the peach pattern looks attractive on the turquoise tile floor. I’m fond of this abstract artwork in peach, aqua, clay pot, and turquoise.”

1. Sitting at the desk, Brig saw the rear garden. Created by Steve, it was blooming with yellow, white, and coral roses. Drought-resistant gray-green plants formed an unusual border around the triangular rose beds.

The duckling is not crispy, the rolls taste flat, the artwork is non-descript and the roses certainly have no scent in this book. And the rug looks positively ghastly clashing with the tile floor…

I have to give the author credit for using a multitude of truly amusing names for parts of male and female anatomy. I just hope none of them were muttered aloud, while the characters were “respiring heavily” and “climaxed with cries of ohhhhhh” – they might have elicited unwarranted waves of laughter at the most inopportune moments.

Overall I found “Callipygian: An Erotic Enigma” way more amusing than erotic and the implied enigma was a total let-down. I believe the whole book would have been better if written as a series of short stories, preferably with different characters for each story, since the constant repetition of variations with little character development made Lorna, Stella, Rusty and Steve seem very two-dimensional.

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