Creating a New Normal … After the Death of a Child

Sandy Fox
iUniverse (2010)
ISBN 9781450230940
Reviewed by Carol Hoyer, PhD, for Reader Views (08/10)

 

Having been a professional counselor for many years, I still cannot say “I know how you feel.” Each person grieves in their own way and none of us really know their feelings. The loss of a child is one of the most devastating events to occur in our lives.

Sandy Fox has written a very emotional, yet educational book, on coping skills for families and friends. In Chapter 2, the author talks about what others can do to help. This was a very important chapter. How many times have we said “It will get better with time.” No, it never gets better, we learn to cope better, but we will never forget. We want you to talk about our child- mention their name, remember the good times. Don’t act like the parent has a disease. If you don’t know what to say, just listening or giving a hug would be good. Because death is so scary for most of us we try to avoid talking about it. So we stay away- in hopes that it will all go away.

Through various interviews Sandy has come up with some commonalities that grieving parents go through: they want to do a memorial for their child; they know there will be setbacks and some times will be more overwhelming than others; and parent(s) have changed- their priorities, goals and interests.

It seemed as if there was a common goal throughout- grieving takes a long time; friends disappear and sometimes the other spouse can’t handle it and leaves.  Many of those parent(s) find church to help them. Often they will ask “Why God did my child have to suffer?” Remember, these families are in shock and angry.

Holidays are another source of pain for many. But it is important that one doesn’t sit at home and relive the death - go to family, watch videos of your child, volunteer at school. It may seem hard at first. You need to take care of yourself.

The stories throughout this book were excellent in that finally parent(s) could talk about what they need in time of a loss. Does anyone ask them other than saying “Let me know if I can do anything for you?”

Every chapter in “Creating a New Normal … After the Death of a Child“ brings more knowledge and makes readers really look at how one reacts when a child dies. Read it, mark it up and share it with others.

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