Conversations with My Son: A Diary

TerryAnn Fisher and Troy Michaels
iUniverse (2010)
ISBN 9781450229975
Reviewed by Joseph Yurt for Reader Views (11/10)

 

Much has been written in recent years regarding the care and support of loved ones and dear friends who have a terminal illness. But, despite the shared reflections and shared experiences of those who have faced this tumultuous encounter, it seems that several varied, yet interconnected factors, have put most of us in the position of being less prepared to handle this life-changing event than perhaps we have ever been. Author TerryAnn Fisher, in the book, “Conversations with My Son: A Diary,” writes “How can I even say the word ‘dying’ out loud to other people when I usually can’t even say it to myself.”

My initial reaction to the book, written by Fisher and her terminally ill son, Troy Michaels, was skepticism that a simple, gauntly written diary with daily entries, some brief and mundane, could offer much that was new on this reality of life – death. Yet this unassuming diary turned out, for me, to be a subtle, moving enlightenment. Fisher’s accounting of her 24/7 vigil with her son offers strength in recognizing that ordinary, even mundane aspects of daily living are important to sustain during the dying process and that the best we can do is doing what we can and simply being there.

Ms. Fisher’s writing style made me feel as if I was acquainted with her, Troy, and other family members. I anticipated the next chapter as one might anticipate the next letter in a series of correspondence. And I feel fondly that the mother and son achieved the legacy that they hoped for. Fisher explains that “Troy decided that he would like his contribution to the stream of life to be a record of his passing, a contribution to others that would be able to spend last days with those they love…that they too can spend close hours together that will make the separation easier.”

Like the wisdom in “Conversations with My Son: A Diary,” it brings me great comfort knowing that the book is simply there on my book shelf. And, I know it will be there if I ever need it, to simply do what it can.

 

 

 

Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Reader Views (08/10)

 

An eighty-five-year-old woman, who had just lost her sixty-five-year-old son, once cried to me that a mother should never have to see her child die.  She felt that this applied to mothers of all ages.  As I read “Conversations with My Son,” her words ran through my thoughts. In this book, a mother tells the story of taking caring of her son while he is dying of AIDS.  In spite of the sadness of the situation, she tells a beautiful story that shows what a special and loving relationship that they had.

The author, TerryAnn, gave up everything to take care of her son while his health was declining.  This was not an easy task, but it was so obvious that she did it with love.  In this book, both she and Troy share their thoughts and their fears as they go through the stages of having to say goodbye to each other. 

While family and friends of people who are terminally ill will greatly benefit from reading this book, I found myself learning some valuable lessons.  The biggest one was to learn to appreciate what I can do, not what I can’t do.  This lesson can completely change the attitude of an individual who is dealing with health issues, even if you are not terminally ill.  Focusing on the positive rather than the negative is so important.  I really admired TerryAnn and Troy’s ability to do this because they were both facing one of the hardest situations that a family could ever have to handle.

“Conversations with My Son” is a must read for people who are dealing with a terminal illness, either for themselves or a loved one.  The thoughts that both the mother and son share in this book are probably similar to what other people are thinking. By sharing in this story, these people will feel less alone and perhaps feel better knowing that some of their thoughts are actually normal.  My heart goes out to TerryAnn, and I really appreciate that she and her son were so willing to share their story with others.  I highly recommend “Conversations with My Son.” It would also make a wonderful gift.

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