How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You: Understanding How Men Communicate

Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby
Multnomah Books (2008)
ISBN 9781590527429
Reviewed by Vicki Landes for Reader Views (4/08)


Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby obviously know what it takes to get a woman’s interest peaked.  Their new book, “How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You,” is definitely titled to get your undivided attention.  Even more, the cover art is an absolutely perfect match:  a woman, jaw dropped and mouth wide open, bellowing into a megaphone which sits only inches from her husband’s deer-in-the-headlights, expressionless face.  It only took me half a second to conclude that this would be a profoundly educational book…but as the old adage says, don’t judge a book by its cover. 

“How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You” is essentially a trip back in time and reminded me of an old home economics book from the 1950s -- you know, advice about primping and dressing up before your husband gets home so you can look pretty for him or straightening up the house so when he walks in from a long day at work, his home looks clean.  “Before you start telling him everything that has happened to you and the kids while he’s been gone, turn all your attention to him, his words, and his needs.”  If he isn’t doing things around the house (like mowing the lawn or some other item you’ve been asking him to take care of), simply start taking the responsibility of doing it yourself?  Instead of obtaining an education on how to make my husband into a better communicator, I was being told how I, as a wife, needed to change by cutting details out of my conversations or not talking to him about things that don’t interest him.  About halfway through the book, I was convinced that Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby were actually the pen names of two male authors, snickering as they poured their submissive wishes into each and every chapter. 

I honestly can’t see how any mature, self-respecting woman would take any stock in the advice from “How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You.”  As a wife, it isn’t your job to shelter your husband from reality.  If he forgets to do a project at work, do you think his boss will smile and take on that project without complaint?  No, there would be any number of consequences from a simple reprimand to the loss of employment.  If he goes out in public and acts negligent and discourteous, again there are consequences.  Why should it be any different with responsibilities at home?  If you tell your children to do something and they don’t do it, there are penalties.  By ignoring a husband’s irresponsibility and disrespect, you are teaching them that – if they are lucky enough to be born with a penis – their wives must conform to their way of thinking and their way of living.  In today’s society, we need more books that deal with maturity, coexistence vs. racial and religious tensions, and higher education.  Books like “How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You” can be dangerous in a society already fraught with unrealistic body image, women with low self-esteem, and a high rate of violent crimes against women. 

I’m convinced that Nancy Cobb, Connie Grigsby, and “How to Get Your Husband to Listen to You” would have been an enormous hit 50+ years ago but in today’s society, their ideology is not only outdated but potentially harmful.  Striving for better marital communication is both a positive and mature subject to write about but it shouldn’t come at the detriment of one partner.

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