Look Before You Leap: A Premarital Guide for Couples

Sandra L. Ceren, PhD
Loving Healing Press (2008)
ISBN 9781932690750
Reviewed by Carol Hoyer, PhD, for Reader Views (10/08)


Dr. Ceren has written a guide for everyone who is contemplating getting married or even delving into a committed relationship. The easy-to-understand language coupled with her forty-years of experience is a must read for all couples.

“Look Before You Leap” provides readers with important questions to ask prior to getting into a relationship and stresses that one should know themselves well before making a commitment. Many times couples go into relationships and have no idea what they want or what their roles should be; nor do they have good communication skills.  Oftentimes, as Dr. Ceren states, couples rush into marriage and end up having problems down the road.

This guide originally was used as a professional text for marriage counselors; however, it is a good guide for all couples to utilize even if they are not in couples therapy. The easy-to-read chapters, quizzes and recommendations should be on every therapist’s and couple’s bookshelves. Dr. Ceren’s ability to come across as interested and compassionate is found throughout the book. Many other books like this make one sometimes feel guilty and at fault for choosing the wrong person.

The first chapter talks about what makes a good relationship or marriage. One important fact in this chapter is that we cannot change our partner; we can only work on ourselves. In addition, she recommends that when one takes the quizzes they share their responses with their partner. This opens up the lines of communication.

Chapter 8 was a very interesting and important chapter to read. The chapter deals with Personality Disorders, which is something this reviewer feels many couples do not address. Dr. Ceren discusses the anti-social personality disorder; the hypersensitive personality, as well as the borderline and paranoid personality. She provides easy-to-read and understand case studies of couples. As a psychologist, I thought the examples were excellent and made me think of my own daughter who got into a relationship with a borderline personality. These relationships are doomed from the start and unless one knows what to look for, one partner can become a victim in the relationship.

The appendix provides a wealth of resources that includes financial help and different types of therapy. I am a firm believer in using movies in therapy as this allows an individual to watch in the comfort of their home and make comparisons to their own relationship. Sometimes it is easier for couples to discuss issues presented in the movies while not directly focusing on themselves. In addition, Dr. Ceren gives recommendations on how to watch the movies, providing questions to ask such as: “Which character did you relate to? Were there some attributes that you would like to develop?”

“Look Before You Leap” by Sandra L. Ceren is an excellent book that one can read over and over and make new notes each time.

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