What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words and Deeds for Life’s Sticky, Tricky, Uncomfortable Situations

Shelly Burke, RN
Xulon Press (2007)
ISBN 9781602666825
Reviewed by Leslie Granier for Reader Views (6/08)


“What Should I Say?” is a practical guide to help people recognize what are and what are not appropriate things to say to someone who is experiencing a difficult situation.  The author covers a myriad of subjects including: death, illness, financial difficulties, and couples having difficulty conceiving a child.  She stresses that it is not only what you say but the tone in which you say it that will truly impart your feelings.  Speaking firmly and with confidence will make what you say more believable to the listener.

Many suggested responses can be applied to most situations so it is not as if you need to memorize a list of appropriate responses for several different situations.  Focus on those that you are comfortable saying and modify them as the varying circumstances for each situation dictate.  Burke also discusses the importance of not trying to force your opinions or advice on people.  Rather, you should let them know you are there for them if they need your support.

Burke also gives advice on how to handle people who are offering to help you.  She emphasizes the importance of being gracious for the offered assistance.  However, she also states it is okay to politely tell people that you do not want to discuss the particulars of your situation.

I gained a great deal of practical knowledge from reading this book.  I often do not say anything when others are troubled, not because I don't care, but because I am afraid to say the wrong thing.  I now feel more confident that I can appropriately express my concern while not worrying that I will add to someone’s pain.

“What Should I Say?” is an excellent aid for people who are often at a loss for what to say when confronted with a difficult situation.  Everyone who is above the age of eighteen should read this book.  Having the knowledge of how to best respond to other people’s problems will not only prevent hurt feelings, but will help build stronger relationships.  At the end of the book are two lists: 10 Best Things and 10 Worst Things to Say in Any Situation.  Learning the items on these lists will be a monumental asset the next time you find yourself unsure of what to say.

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