Regaining Control: When Love Becomes a Prison

Tami Brady
Loving Healing Press (2007)
ISBN 1932690123
Reviewed by Vicki Landes for Reader Views (2/07)

In a society where we think equality is a given, Tami Brady opens eyes.  She begins her book, “Regaining Control:  When Love Becomes a Prison” with some shocking statistics -  “only 1% of the world’s assets are held in the name of women” and “over half of the women of this generation do not themselves receive, from either employment or the state, enough to ‘get by’.”  When considering these statements, it’s not hard to understand why many women stay in damaging relationships for the sake of financial security.  Unfortunately, this only worsens their self-esteem, keeps the cycle of abuse going, and teaches the next generation that it’s okay to live a degrading situation.

“Regaining Control:  When Love Becomes a Prison” is workbook that takes an in-depth look at what’s holding you back and how you can reclaim your self-confidence.  Beautifully written in a gentle, guiding tone, Brady’s text digs into the triggers that cause dependence problems.  With these answers in hand, the reader utilizes her easy-to-follow steps for an individualized recovery. 

Probably the most surprising part of this book is learning that not all abuse and devaluing behavior is intentional.  Brady notes, “Sometimes, even people with the best of intentions unwittingly and unknowingly help eat away at our self worth.  In their minds, they are just helping out in times of trouble or are supporting you…”  For those that see abuse as entirely intended this is truly an unexpected realization.  Although when considering those situations where the mistreatment is deliberate, Brady includes additional resources for domestic violence, emergency contacts, support groups, and further research. 

“Regaining Control” is meant for women who are trapped in dependent relationships – whether that relationship is with a controlling spouse, family member, or a caregiver.  This dependence can stem from financial problems, validation for self worth, help for mobility issues, or emotional support and isolating oneself from the rest of the world.  Women with any combination of these issues would greatly benefit from contemplating the soul-searching questions in this workbook. 

“Regaining Control” is a fresh alternative in a sea of self-help books.  Brady shows how to break free of a debilitating prison of low self-esteem while strengthening the independent woman waiting to be released  Her thought-provoking questions lead her readers to gain independence, confidence, and get their lives back on the road it was meant to take.  Hope is within – and Brady has the keys.

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