Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents: Finding Balance Between Burnout and Respect

Allison Bottke
HarvestHouse (2010)
ISBN 9780736926744
Reviewed by Carol Hoyer, PhD, for Reader Views (08/10)


I had the pleasure of reading Ms. Bottke’s book “Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children,” and was just as pleased to read this book, “Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents.” The author has a very calming way of getting her points across, as well as giving readers questions to contemplate at the end of each chapter.

Today many adult children are taking more and more responsibility for their aging parents and it isn’t always an easy job. Therefore, we often become angry and resentful.  As the author states, we must take a step back and look at the role we play in keeping crisis and chaos going. From the beginning to the end of the book readers will really be able to analyze their relationship with their parent(s). Topics range from setting healthy boundaries to toxic elders and destructive choices.

There are three parts to this book:  1) Avoiding Burnout and Building Mutual Respect; 2) The Six Steps to SANITY, and 3) The Dawn of a New Beginning.  There wasn’t any part of the book I didn’t like. Everything in “Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents” was written so it was easy to read and understand.  The chapter on ‘Consequences’ was very helpful- even if we make decisions that are intended with love, sometimes we may end up with angry and rejecting parents. However, pain happens and we must take our lives back. In Chapter 24, Ms. Bottke provides sample letters that readers can write to their parent(s), spouse or siblings.  They were written with very specific words so they couldn’t be misunderstood, yet were also written with love and caring.

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