Caring for Your Aging Parents: A Common-Sense Guide for Transforming a Difficult Time into a Loving, Cooperative Relationship

Raeann Berman and Bernard H. Shulman, M.D.
Champion Press Ltd (2005)
ISBN 1932783466
Reviewed by Linda Benninghoff for Reader Views (10/06)

"Caring for Your Aging Parents" is remarkable for its thoroughness and for the hope it offers for seniors.  Its discussion of the adult children-parent relationship is fascinating and the book is successful in pointing out ways to improve this relationship.  According to the authors, some children never quite become adults, remain irresponsible and in need of parental authority.  This may continue even as their parents age.  Other children mature and take on responsibility.  In some cases, the relationship remains stable.  In this status-quo relationship where the children’s and parent’s roles remain unchanged and the parental authority is unquestioned, the parents are often financially independent and have the money to pay for nursing home care.  In other cases, the dynamic changes and the parents become dependent on the adult children, either financially or emotionally, or both.  The book makes suggestions as to how to make this difficult time when the parents grow old a time of a healthy, loving, cooperative relationship.

There follows a discussion of resources available for seniors and helpful hints about how to care for an aging parent.  Checking up on medication, seeing that the parents are eating, and distinguishing depression and anxiety from dementia, are among the day-to-day activities the adult child can engage in to help the parents cope.  For the aging parent, there are many resources available despite his or her diminishing capacities.  For some, this is an excellent time to go back to school. Other parents may go back to work.  Still others may go to a senior center, although they may not like being exclusively with elderly people.

 Yet the disabilities of aging are many.  There comes a time when Mom or Dad may stop driving.  Then there is the time for assisted living, a retirement community or a nursing home.  There is some discussion in the book on finances.  Medicare does not cover someone with a chronic condition such as Alzheimers.  In order to get proper coverage, the adult child must act before Mom or Dad becomes ill and is caught without coverage.

The authors discuss empowerment groups such as AARP and the Gray Panthers.  There are 34.5 million members of the American Association of Retired persons having their say in many areas, including medical benefits and the demand for better senior housing.  "The Gray Panthers proved that it’s productive to band together and make noise about age discrimination," the authors say.   “Caring for Your Aging Parents” finishes by asking what it will be like for us when we age.  Will our children take care of us?  Will seniors attain an even greater voice in society and rights, such as the right to better medical care and better housing, at that time?

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