Midlife Manual for Men: Finding Significance in the Second Half (Life Transitions)

Stephen Arterburn and John Shore
Bethany House (2008)
ISBN 9780764204234
Reviewed by Tammy Petty Conrad for Reader Views (11/08)

 

First I have a confession. I am not a man. But if you’ve got a man in your life, not only should he read this, but you should too. Even if he’s not to this point of his life yet, he will be someday. Of course we’ve heard of the famous midlife crisis and those red BMWs that get bought on a whim. But the authors try to explain what is actually happening during this part of a man’s life and what to do about it to make it a positive, empowering experience.

First, the style is light and entertaining, which will draw in those who may be reluctant to read about a topic many believe to be depressing. Both of the men are in their fifties and have experienced various parts of what the book talks about. Stephen Arterburn has his own faith-based ministry, including a radio program. John Shore is an accomplished author. Together the two of them try to dispel some of the myths and reveal some of the mysteries about men during this time of their life.

With the average life expectancy increasing, midlife is much different now than it was for our dads. And that is the great news. We have more life to live and can benefit greatly from the information which is given within these pages to make this time much more bearable and even rewarding. But for many men, they can’t help but look at the years and “…mortality kicks in with an urgency it previously lacked.”

The authors give details about the different types of behaviors often displayed and explain the negative aspects of them, although we all probably could recite them ourselves. A great deal of the book is devoted to the life roles men play:  Son, Husband, Provider and Father. They have established a four-step process in every chapter on each of the roles. First they look at the negative aspects in “Good Riddance,” then the good ones in “Pure Gold.” Next is “Movin’ On,” which helps to take the good things and create a life of our dreams. Last is “Things to Do” with specific suggestions and exercises.

Readers are encouraged to talk out their issues with someone they are close to rather thank keeping them bottled up or hitting the bottle to avoid them. As men of faith the authors relate much of their text to how God would want us to be. They say that “Middle age isn’t about being weakened or confused or getting used to your limitations or any of that nonsense…is about earning the right to finally understand what it really means to say that you are made in God’s image.” The book goes on to talk about the role of a husband and I enjoyed the comparison of relationships with fine wine. I have to wonder though -- What is the percentage of relationships that are better over time, versus wines better over time? We’ve all heard of both wines and relationships that soured unexpectedly. But maybe if more of us considered relationships from a more Biblical perspective we’d be better off. “Your life is the medium through which God the Master Artist reveals the full scope and breadth of his creative, infinitely compassionate genius. And he just spent the last chunk of your life painting your life and marriage with his hues, textures, shapes, and perspectives. Middle age finally provides enough distance to view and understand it as the masterful work it is.”

And then they turn around and tell us middle age is all about “…finally giving yourself permission to relax and just have some flat-out fun…”  Hence the red BMW!

I do think readers of both sexes will benefit form “Midlife Manual for Men” by Stephen Arterburn and John Shore and it is a great one for sharing between couples in a relationship. Knowing the what, and the why of things, makes it so much easier to deal with and benefit from. And besides, since we’re all going to live to 100, we have so many more years to enjoy the good life so read on!

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