Interview with Anita Swanson

Slow Hope
Anita Swanson
Ivy House Publishing Company (2006)
ISBN 1571974350
Reviewed by Debra Gaynor for Reader Views (12/06)

Reader Views welcomes Anita Swanson, author of the novel “Slow Hope.” Anita is being interviewed by Juanita Watson, Assistant Editor of Reader Views.

Juanita:  Thanks for talking with us today Anita.  We have heard much positive feedback from your new book “Slow Hope,” and are excited to hear more about this true-life fiction novel.  Would you start by telling us what your book is about.

Anita: I’d be happy to that, Juanita. The book is about my journey back to mental and emotional health after surviving a childhood filled abuse and an adult-life filled with poor choices and devastating consequences. My own particular journey was further complicated by the fact that I was raised in an affluent Midwestern suburb and to everyone in the community my parents appeared to be raising a model Christian family.

Secrets, shame and denial the basic stock-in-trade tools of every dysfunctional family were intensely cultivated in mine and it made the façade even harder to break.   

Juanita: This storyline was actually based on your own life experiences.  How much is true-to-fact, and why did you decide to write your book as a novel, as opposed to a memoir?

Anita: That’s a great question because there’s been so much public discussion around truth and memoirs lately. The events of the story are true but obviously when you work from memory not allof the dialog is verbatim, but I tried very hard to capture the tone of the character if not in fact the actual words. And why did I choose to write it as a novel?
First I wanted to tell my story and then I wanted to write it in a way that would engage the reader. A memoir, I thought, would keep me restricted to the absolute truth in each and every scene, but narrative nonfiction which is what I ended up calling my book, would give me some freedom to reconstruct dialog.

Juanita: What inspired you to write your book?

Anita: Someone once said that writing a memoir was tyranny. That you are basically held hostage as a writer until you get your life down on paper and you know, in some ways that’s how I felt. But there was also the additional feeling I had that maybe my story, in some small way, could help someone else. That maybe someone would read it and take heart.

Juanita:  What do statistics reveal regarding child abuse victims repeating the pattern of abuse?  What about statistics that show the potential for victims to have problems when they are adults?

Anita: That’s another good question, Juanita. A study came out of Yale  that shows contrary to what the public thinks, only about  30% of those that have been abused go on to repeat the cycle. The reason that so many of us think that it’s a foregone conclusion, that the cycle will repeat itself, is the all the attention the media gives to those 30%. The 70% that are in society trying to live healthy and productive lives are just aren’t that interesting to much of the population.  But the damage that child abuse causes to a persons psyche and physical well being is enormous. At a recent conference I attended  estimated that health care costs would run as high as 94 billion dollars just to provide minimal services for survivors. Not surprisingly depression is one of the major reasons women seek medical help.   

Juanita:  What type of abuse does Anne encounter as a child?

Anita: Anne experience sexual abuse from her father, physical and emotional abuse from her mother.  

Juanita: Anne eventually married the choir director of her church and her life continued to spiral down from there.  How does the theme of abuse manifest in her adult life?  Why does she make choices that seem to sabotage her happiness?

Anita: It does seem odd doesn’t it? Given the chance for happiness you would think that Anne as a young adult living at school and away from her parents would be able to think more clearly. You would hope that reason and common sense would prevail. But frequently, and in my case this was particularly true, abuse victims develop a secret and intense fantasy life to help them cope. I was convinced that my husband was the prince of the fairytale I had written for my life and I actually believed that he had come to save me.  From the moment I met him I ignored all the red flags, all the bad behavior and every obstacle. I ignored everything that threatened the dream I had fantasized for my life. 

Juanita:  What do women do when they are too frightened to change their situation, and want to escape their pain?  What would be the signs or behaviors?

Anita: Men take their anger and pain and go to bars, hang out with buddies, or get involved with contact sports. Women for centuries have turned their pain inward. As I mentioned earlier they often get depressed and added to that list are migraine headaches, stress induced ulcers, sleep disorders (both too much and/or too little) and addictions. Women often try and masque their pain. Shame both real (from childhood) or imagined, “What would the neighbors think?” is a great motivator for keeping silent. So, if someone you know suddenly stops answering her phone, or you observe an abrupt change in behavior perhaps she no longer stops to chat or you notice her grooming habits have begun to slide, you might want to gently ask if everything is alright.   

Juanita: How does Anne attempt to help herself out of the desperate, unhappy situation she finds herself in?

Anita: Well, initially her first step was quite small. She left the Baptist church where her husband was on staff and began attending a Presbyterian Women’s Bible Study. From there she was able to develop a new circle of friends and ultimately find her first therapist. But remember at that time everything she did was completely against the fundamental way of thinking and every step she took toward getting help contributed to the disintegration of her marriage.  

Juanita:  The church was apposed to Anne getting any help, as is the norm with fundamental religions.  Why does the church avoid this kind of help, and what kept Anne going when she was up against this type of resistance? 

Anita: You know, Juanita, I think that a lot of churches are afraid that a therapist who now has power and influence over how you shape your life will not be a Godly person, and I believe that there’s probably some chance that that might be true. But, in my case I was confident about my belief in God and all I needed was someone to help me figure out the mess I’d made of my life. I know this will sound strange but I didn’t really care if the therapist was a Christian or not, what I really cared about how smart was they were. My medical background influenced my thinking about psychological help a great deal and I think it also helped me keep going in the face of tremendous opposition. Good health, both mentally and physically, is something I think God wants for everyone.    

Juanita:  What are your thoughts on the double-sided issue of the church with negativity and resistance on one side, and the faith that helped Anne through her darkest time on the other?

Anita: Wow! These questions are amazing! While it is true that I was confident about my belief in God, my faith was and is something that was born out of adversity. I always had an awareness of God even as I child when the abuse seemed unrelenting, but as an adult there came a time when I felt it was all just “too much”. The church had come together and corporately supported my husband and turned their back on me. My parents were leaning heavily on me go stay married and most of my friends had left because they were terrified of the word divorce.  It was at that point that I put God on a time limit. Either He was going to show me that He was real or I was going to abandoned all hope of ever having a relationship with Him in this lifetime. Fortunately, God came through for me even with the time constraints I had placed on Him.   

Juanita:  Anita, is it really possible to recover from the multi-layered effects of child abuse?

Anita: I’m going to give you a qualified yes and the qualification is this: as long as you understand that healing is a life long journey . . . then yes, you can heal from child abuse.   

Juanita:  What messages does “Slow Hope” offer towards courage, forgiveness, and restoration?

Anita: A therapist once told me during a radio interview that this was the “best book he’d ever read on how to heal without having to sit through a lecture.” I took that not only as high praise but also a pretty good description of the book. It is my hope that anyone who reads the book will gain strength for their own journey and will come to a deeper understanding that often the one who needs forgiveness and restoration the most is the victim herself. 

Juanita:  Anita, what was the most difficult part of your personal journey of healing?

Anita: I think, Juanita, that while all of journey takes different levels of commitment two things stand out. One was making that first phone call asking for help. That was extraordinarily difficult and I even new I was deep trouble! My hand shook the entire time I dialed the phone.  The second thing was realizing that my parents were so toxic that if I continued to talk to them I was never going to get better. It took time but eventually I decided that if I could give up my need for my parents to love me then in exchange I might get a chance to live a healthy life, and that is what I did.     

Juanita:  Anita, your life today is living testimony of the message of your book.  You have had a long career as an R.N., you have acted in regional and national television commercials, as a writer, you have won an award for one of your essays, you speak extensively on the topic of overcoming adversity, and you are a proud parent.  How long did it take for you to not only turn your life around, but become such an incredible success?

Anita: I wish I could say I was an overnight success but nothing is overnight in my life. It took me years. Every situation brought new challenges. Every challenge meant I had to find a solution. There’s an old Russian Proverb that goes, “No man ever drowns if he perseveres in praying to God and takes swimming lessons.”  That’s pretty much sums up how I lived my life then and now. Pray and do the work and eventually things will turn around.

Juanita:  What optimism does “Slow Hope” provide for readers that may be living their life in pain and oppression?  What is the underlying message of your book?

Anita: I truly believe it is a God given right to live a healthy and sane life. It is, without question, easier for some than for others to find that place of peace, but once you get there it is so worth the struggle. Pain and grief are part of life, but to those of us who have been abused, our job is limit the amount of time we spend suffering. Some days it may take all the courage you have just to survive, but if you stay on the journey long enough there will be other days when you’ll be able to look back and say to yourself, “I did the best I could and didn’t turn out just fine.”         

Juanita: How can readers find out more about you and your endeavors?

Anita: Thanks Juanita, that’s the easiest question of all! My website is chock full of information and that’s www.anitaswanson.com  or they can just click onto Slow Hope at Amazon.com.  

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