Interview with Sarah Grace McCandless

The Girl I Wanted to Be
Sarah Grace McCandless
Simon & Schuster Paperbacks (2006)
ISBN 0743285182
Reviewed by Beverly Pechin for Reader Views (7/06)

Reader Views is happy to be talking with Sarah Grace McCandless, author of the new coming-of-age story The Girl I Wanted to Be. Sarah Grace is being interviewed by Juanita Watson, Assistant Editor of Reader Views.

Juanita:  Thanks for talking with us today Sarah.  Please tell us the storyline of your new novel, The Girl I Wanted to Be.

VolkmanSarah Grace: I think The Girl I Wanted to Be is really about the person you wanted to be - that person you thought could do no wrong. The book is narrated from the perspective of 14-year-old Presley Moran, who is about to embark on her freshman year at high school. In many ways, she's still very much struggling with defining what she’s about, and in the meantime she's gravitating towards her idols for guidance. One is her aunt Betsi on her mom's side, a young, beautiful, vivacious woman who also has a tendency to fall into these massive self-destructive spirals. The other idol is her cousin Barry on her dad’s side, a senior at her high school who seems to have everything on his side - smart, athletic, good looking, well-liked and destined for greatness.

With these characters, I wanted to tell a story about coming to terms with the realization that idols aren't perfect - that things aren't always what they seem, and how you go about redefining your relationship once those flaws are revealed. My hope is that the novel takes the reader through this via Presley's eyes as everything she once believed about her idols unravels throughout the changing seasons when Presley becomes privy to a secret that ultimately tears her family apart.

Juanita: What was your inspiration behind writing your new novel?

Sarah Grace: The novel kicks off with a family reunion on the shores of Lake Michigan at the end of summer. When I was slightly younger than Presley, I went to my own family reunion, also on the shores of Lake Michigan. For some reason, I mark that event as the last time everything seemed "normal" in my family. Of course, now I know that no family is “normal” but my perceptions during that reunion were still protected for some reason. I took my personal images and memories as a jumping point for the novel, but that's really where the similarities between my own family and the Moran household begin and end.

Ultimately, I was also inspired by trying to capture those crucial transitions and revelations everyone experiences - that point where you stop seeing things as a kid and you start seeing things as an adult.

Juanita:  I have read that you put a strong emphasis on character development. Can you give us a little deeper understanding of the characters in The Girl I Wanted to Be?

Sarah Grace: I wrote the first chapter of this book several years ago, during a writing workshop that my former Michigan State professor Anita Skeen had encouraged me to attend at Ghost Ranch in Abiqui, New Mexico. Ghost Ranch is a gorgeous place that's well cut off from the normal day-to-day distractions, and I think that helped me really give birth to these characters. I didn't get beyond the first chapter at the workshop, but I knew these core characters immediately, like someone I grew up with or a family member.

I think Presley is the kind of person who desperately wants things to be "normal". She's aware of this underlying tension in her family, and it makes her nervous. She's also eager to be treated like one of the adults, but eventually realizes she might not really be ready to be in that position.

Meanwhile, Betsi is the kind of girl who peaked in high school and has never really let go. She's very charming and means well, and people want to believe in her because she has a good heart. But she always seems to end up making all the wrong choices in situations where she should know better at this point. She's on the verge of finding out just what kind of permanent damage those choices can have on everyone around her.

And with Barry, I think there's an entirely different side of him below what people see on the surface. Barry was very much inspired by the boys I grew up with, who I think felt pressure to appear one way on the outside but had much more complex struggles going on internally.

Juanita: This is truly a coming-of-age story.  What are the themes that you touch on regarding the growing pains of adolescence?

Sarah Grace: I tried to touch on a few things - certainly that feeling of not knowing where you belong or what defines you. I also wanted to explore the impact of loss, and the consequences of choices. And I definitely wanted to dissect what it means to be an idol, and can you still maintain that position when you make mistakes and your faults are revealed.

Juanita: Sarah, you seem to have your finger on the pulse of teenagers today.  Are the issues teens deal with today, the age old issues, or have they changed though the lens of pop culture and these modern times?

Sarah Grace: I do have a lot of teen readers, and based on their feedback, I think the issues are more or less the same. The pop culture references certainly have changed – I’m likely to make more of an immediate connection if my musical backdrop references Panic At The Disco vs. Soundgarden. But outside of those “then and now” pop culture details, the actual issues are still pretty universal and timeless. One thing I would say has changed is I think some of these issues are now coming up at a much earlier point– like 4th and 5th graders dealing with sex, which wasn’t even remotely on my radar at that age.

Juanita:  How does Presley handle the realization that the world isn’t always what it appears to be?

Sarah Grace: I think it’s certainly a rude awakening, but a necessary lesson. I guess the trick is learning how to deal with disappointment without losing hope that things do have the potential to work out. I like to believe that Presley hasn’t lost her faith even after everything that happens during the story.

Juanita: What will this insider look into Presley’s maturing psyche enlighten in readers?

Sarah Grace: My hope is that the story will remind readers of their own critical turning points at that age, but also that it might cause someone to stop and think about what role they play now. Have they become the person someone else wants to be, and if so, is it possible to live up to idol status?

Case in point: I’ve got two nieces – Ella is three and Anna is nearly five. They’re old enough to remember the things you’ve said to them or done in front of them. I’ve always been one to be quick with the self-deprecating humor, especially when it comes to my body image, but I’m really careful about making these kinds of comments in front of the girls. A five-year-old should never be obsessing about if she’s too fat or needs to go on a diet. Nor should a 32-year-old, but I’m working on it.

Juanita: What statements do you make regarding family in The Girl I Wanted to Be?

Sarah Grace: I’d like to think the novel challenges what’s typically thought of when it comes to the term “family” – be that an idea that families are perfect, families can do no wrong, that you’re never allowed to make mistakes within your family – or on the flip side, the idea that your family will always forgive you no matter what you do. Families are made up of people, human beings who are inherently complex and flawed, and these people might make a lot of great choices or a lot of terrible ones. I also hope the book suggests that what and who makes up your family may not always be bloodlines – for example, the relationship that develops between Presley and Barry’s best friend Jack, who will likely always maintain a family-type connection that stems from the secret they end up sharing.

Juanita:  Who is the reading audience for The Girl I Wanted to Be?

Sarah Grace:  I have both adult readers as well as teen readers, and I find that to be extremely fortunate to be able to connect to multiple age groups. Often when a book is narrated by a young adult, people automatically assume it’s strictly a young adult book, and that’s just not that case. As a parent or teacher or librarian, I definitely think it’s important to be aware of content so you advise teen readers accordingly, but outside of that, I’m all for moving away from putting a book in one silo vs. another. Both of my books have been published under the Simon & Schuster’s adult division, but I have a lot of teen readers. And if you think about it, a lot of adults read books technically meant for younger readers too – hello, Harry Potter anyone? Anyway, I think it’s great when the focus is more on whether or not someone would like the story, regardless of whether they are 17 or 37 or 57.

Juanita:  Your insights into Presley’s character seem to have an almost intuitive quality.  Is there a little of you in her character?  Did you have significant experiences that shaped your adolescence?

Sarah Grace: Oh, definitely. There’s always a little bit of me in all of my narrators, but there are parts of me in other characters too. Sometimes I wonder if elements of Betsi are an extension of who I might have been had I chosen a more to continue down a more self-destructive path. Don’t get me wrong – when I say self-destructive, I was still pretty Pollyanna compared to most. But I made a lot of poor choices in terms of my relationships, and those situations always led me spending more time with Dr. Chardonnay and Mr. Pinot Gris. Not a good combination.

I had many significant experiences that shaped my adolescence, but I guess they’re cut from a pretty standard cloth – parents divorce, my first (and second, and third…) break up with a female friend, unrequited crushes, my body jumping into the frame of a 22-year-old when I was 12 (hats off to early development!), heartbreaking first loves, and unfortunately, several devastating losses of friends, often at their own hand

Juanita: What do you ultimately want readers to understand by reading The Girl I Wanted to Be?

Sarah Grace: That’s a good question. Maybe that Britney Spears is NOT the girl you want to be? (Sorry Brit! You know I love you) No, honestly my hope is that it will bring to light the idea that things are not always what they seem – people make mistakes, and even though your idols are flawed, there might be a way to come back to that admiration and connection, even amid harsh truths.

Juanita:  How long have you been writing?  And please tell us about your highly acclaimed, first novel Grosse Pointe Girl?

Sarah Grace:I feel like I’ve been reading since before I could walk – I honestly don’t remember “learning” how to read! I just knew - or that’s what my parents tell me. I think I wrote my first little story when I was four (a particularly dorky tale called “The Circus Book” created on my mom’s typewriter), but I really started getting into it in middle and high school. From time to time, I hear from people who knew me back then, and most remember me as a writer and don’t seem too surprised to find out that I’m still pursuing it. I take that as a giant compliment. I guess I knew more of who I was and what I loved back at that age than it seemed like at the time.

My first novel, Grosse Pointe Girl, came from a much more autobiographical place. The novel begins in middle school and ends in high school, with an epilogue of sorts that takes place at a 10 year reunion. The story is primarily about a girl who moves into an affluent suburb, one ripe with old money, dry martinis, and powerful family lineage that dictates a certain pecking order of who you are and what you’re expected to become. I thought it would be interesting to juxtapose the already difficult challenge of surviving those teen years intact with a backdrop that’s almost a character itself. Of course, having grown up in Grosse Pointe, I drew from a lot of personal experience, but the narrator isn’t 100% me. There are pieces of me in a lot of the characters, and then elements that are completely organic.

I think I had such a strong response to Grosse Pointe Girl because ultimately it didn’t matter if you specifically knew Grosse Pointe. Every place has a “Grosse Pointe” – maybe it’s Potomac outside of Washington, DC or Lake Oswego outside of Portland, OR. These types of communities are all across the country, and I think people connected to the book regardless of what side of the tracks they came from.

Juanita:  Both of your novels have the theme of adolescence.  What draws you so strongly to this topic?

Sarah Grace: I think the adolescent point of view can be a particularly refreshing, raw, and honest perspective in terms of storytelling. It’s a really crucial part of your life in terms of developing character and making choices, and I think too often it’s a segment that gets discounted – like these are just silly teen issues that will all magically go away once you get older, or matter less. I find that to be completely untrue. Just from a relationship perspective alone, how you interact with your friends or your teachers or even your family at that age can set the foundation for how you’ll handle these relationships as an adult.

Juanita: I’ve read a recent review that states you are certainly “a writer to watch.”  What are your plans for your writing career?

Sarah Grace: Do you think when they said, “a writer to watch,” they meant to add, “…as she devours seven cupcakes in one sitting?” Or, “…as she spends way too much time watching Tivo’d episodes of Project Runway?” Ha!

All kidding aside, I’m starting work on my third novel. This one graduates the narrator a bit – I’m exploring things from the mid-20s perspective, which if you ask me is almost like a second adolescence. I think there’s this pressure at that age to make your life work perfectly as soon as you get out of college – job-wise, relationship-wise. For me, I was up to my armpits in debt, trying to land a mediocre entry-level job for an industry I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be a part of, letting my writing plans nearly evaporate, and rotating through a series of horrible relationships like I was on some never-ending episode of “Next.” I was a total disaster, but now that I have a little distance, I can also see how those experiences – the good, bad, and the ugly – were a necessary part of the master plan. Or so I’ve lead myself to believe.

I also freelance for a few different magazines, and would like to continue doing so. I love writing features and interviews, particularly on subject matter that interests me. I’m a pretty big pop culture junkie, be it film, music, books, design, fashion, or general useless celebrity tidbits. My dream interviews would be with Tina Fey or Mariska Hargitay (who plays Olivia Benson on one of my favorite TV shows, Law and Order: SVU). I write about both of them on my blog with a real tongue-and-cheek approach, but the truth is I truly admire these women from a creative perspective, and also how they focus their time outside of the artistic world.

I’m also thinking about really giving myself a challenge and attempting a screenplay, perhaps even with The Girl I Wanted to Be. I have great admiration for many television and film writers, particularly Jenji Kohan (Weeds) and Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale). I loved Paul Feig and Judd Apatow’s Freaks and Geeks and I’ve been a fan of J.J. Abrams since Felicity. I’m enamored with the way Zach Braff takes such care to tell a story like Garden State with both his words and a meticulous, perfect soundtrack. And I think Jane Espenson just continues to take her magic from one show to the next (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls).

That said, I certainly don’t think just because I’ve done novels that I can jump right into television or screenplays with the talent and grace like those I mentioned, but I do think The Girl I Wanted to Be really lends itself well to film. In particular with the role of Betsi, it’s an opportunity for an actress to play a strong, complex character that’s not just the best friend, wife, or girlfriend.

Juanita:  How can readers find out more about you and your endeavors?

Sarah Grace: My friend Jeff Liesch was kind enough to set up a website for me – http://www.sarahdisgrace.com – and from that, I’ve also developed a blog that I keep up on a regular basis (http://sarahdisgrace.blogspot.com). And don’t forget the police briefs in the paper. They may not say my name, but you’ll know it’s me, especially if it has to do with stalking Tina Fey. (Is sarcasm evident in print? Let’s hope so!)

Juanita:  Thanks for talking with us today Sarah Grace.  The Girl I Wanted to Be is certainly a great novel, and we agree, it would transfer very well to film!  We hope much success with your new book and will be looking forward to more great work from you in the future.  Do you have any last thoughts for your readers?

Sarah Grace: I feel really fortunate that I'm able to make my way by doing something creative - something I've loved my entire life. But for me, another wonderful part of writing is discovering that you've connected with a reader through your story. I love getting feedback - the good, bad, and the ugly - so I highly encourage my readers to email me through my website. It's really interesting for me to hear what resonates with one person, and it's equally as important for me to hear where the dots might not connect as well. Some criticisms I take and some I leave, but regardless it helps me become a better writer. I feel like I have a lot of stories left to tell, and I'm eager to share them with my current readers and maybe make some new connections as well.

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