Interview with Charles L. Allen Reader Views welcomes Charles L. Allen MSW, author of “Why Good People Make Bad Choices: How You Can Develop Peace of Mind Through Integrity.” Charles is being interviewed by Juanita Watson, Assistant Manager of Reader Views. Juanita: Thanks for talking with us today Charles. We are interested in hearing more about your book “Why Good People Make Bad Choices: How You Can Develop Peace of Mind Through Integrity.” Would you start by giving us an overview of what your book is about?
Juanita: What inspired you to write this book? Charles: My mother has always encouraged me to write. A few years ago I took up her challenge and started to sort out all the notes I've scribbled here and there and put together an outline. My publisher (Victor Volkman) and editor (Bob Rich) were invaluable in helping me create a manuscript that was viable. Without them, I would have been lost. The greatest source of inspiration in this process however would have to be my clientele. As a practicing psychotherapist, I have the honor of helping people recover from the stresses of life. They inspire me every day I go to my office. Life is not always easy, so I want to be a positive resource for those who have problems and are in need. Juanita: Charles, you suggest in your book, that many of the problems of the human condition are due to the conflict between the instinctualized ego and one’s conscious belief systems. Would you explain the difference? Charles: Sure. We are born with human instinct. This instinct urges us toward self-preservation. It urges us to carry out an agenda toward basic survival. The agenda goes like this: 1) maximize immediate physical and emotional gratification, 2) minimize physical and emotional pain, 3) seek out, establish and maintain power and control, and 4) establish and maintain an ideal set of circumstances. Those are the four elements of what I call the “ego’s agenda.” This is a subconscious agenda, but it becomes clearly recognizable whey you begin to take a deeper look at unwanted behaviors, dysfunctional anger, or conflict in relationships. By contrast, over the course of a person’s life, a belief system is consciously formed out of personal experiences. Over time we gain a sense of what is important in life (values), how to live it best (morals), what to expect, and who we are. While the ego’s agenda is identical for all of us, a belief system for each person is as unique as their own fingerprint. There are times when a person’s belief system comes into conflict with their ego’s agenda. Juanita: How do the two conflict, and what is the outcome for the person involved? Charles: That’s a great question. Here’s an example, let’s say that my unwanted behavior is eating sweets. I’m driving home from work thinking about the chocolate cake in my refrigerator. I might want the chocolate cake because I think it’s going to soothe my nerves from a stressful day. I may be thinking a lot about that piece of cake on my drive. However, if I value healthy eating and an active lifestyle, I need to make a decision about how to act in the best way when I walk in my front door. I need to know what’s really in my best interest and act on that. I think that the beauty of my theory is in its universal application. The same agenda would describe why I go ahead and eat the chocolate cake anyway, or why I might yell at my wife or children because I open the refrigerator and find the cake pan empty. It’s essentially the same dynamic at work. Juanita: How will your book, “Why Good People Make Bad Choices,” help readers understand this dynamic? Charles: WGPMBC lays out all of the elements of the theory and the solutions in the structure of the book. There are four sections: The Problem, The Solution, The Method, and The Choice. I've just described the problem as the ego’s agenda, and the solution is to establish a belief system in a conscious way. The method described in the book helps the reader to clarify or create major elements of their belief system. Another critical aspect of the method is managing painful feelings and stress that can get in the way of making good choices. There are individual chapters to help the reader understand the subconscious dynamics of feelings and give a method for resolving them in a realistic and positive way. Juanita: Will simply understanding the ego’s agenda equate to peace of mind, or are their exercises/examples that you outline in your book, that will help readers to recognize their own “bad choices”? Charles: I think that knowing the agenda is the first step. The universal applicability of the agenda is handy in providing quick insight for understanding problem behaviors. I’d say that “bad choices” are those made from disregarding your belief system. Another important step has to do with taking the time to consciously clarify what your belief system is. There is a worksheet in the book and online at my website to help with this process. I think that peace of mind comes from effectively resolving worry and other painful emotions in a way that honors your belief system. It also comes from developing a comfort in spending time alone. Juanita: A large part of your book’s messages is that of integrity. Would you explain what integrity means, and how you apply it in the context of your book? Charles: I believe that integrity is an outcome of living your life according to a consciously determined belief system. It means that you make choices that honor and reflect your values, your morals, and your own healthy evolution as a human being. It also means that your behavior is equated with a high amount of predictability for others to see. You and others can count on your integrity – you trust integrity. Juanita: The idea of a “consciously” determined belief system may be new for most people. The general understanding would be that one’s belief system is more of a concrete aspect of the psyche. Would you comment on the malleability of one’s personal belief system? Charles: Sure. As a person matures from childhood, they will naturally make determinations about what is important to them and what is appropriate to do or not do. And, like it or not, and they get feedback from the environment about who they are. Much of that may happen on subconscious levels of awareness. All of that equates to a belief system developed with a lot of “ego agenda” influence, and in part by environmental feedback. As an adult, those beliefs may or may not be adaptive. I have many clients who see me for anger problems. Oftentimes, we are able to trace their problem as an adult to childhood where they had to use anger to survive for years in an unsafe or abusive environment. They developed “subconscious rules” about living such as, if you feel fear, get ready to defend yourself, and when in doubt, attack. Now, that anger is getting them into trouble. Certainly as we look at other dysfunctional behaviors, some mood disorders, and self-image deficits we can see the influence of early childhood and teenage environmental influences. So while early influences to the belief system are solidly in place, one can have a good chance at making modifications in adulthood. A critical factor in the change process is taking personal responsibility for the choices you make. Juanita: With this emphasis on self-responsibility, and knowing humans have a tendency to resist change, what is the catalyst necessary for your method? Charles: Yes, people do resist change, even when they know that the change is clearly in their best interest. It’s an interesting facet of human behavior that I encounter in my psychotherapy practice on a regular basis. Most people who enter my office and tell me of some unwanted behavior of theirs, can also tell me what the wanted behavior would be. They might tell me that they are mean to their spouse, and they know that the solution is to be nicer. So why not just be nicer then? As you said, a catalyst is needed. I believe that having an explanation of the behavior is helpful. I think that if you look at the ego’s agenda, you can understand most unwanted behaviors. Once you can see that, you need to clearly identify a different behavior that is integrity-based. And finally, you have to see some kind of benefit in the outcome of that integrity-based behavior. I’ve found that if you skip that last step, you’ll be more likely to slip into old ego-based behavior. Juanita: Your final step is very interesting - the power of consciously acknowledging the benefit of the integrity-based behavior. Why does this step hold such weight? Charles: It has been my experience, both personally and professionally, that if you don’t establish some kind of benefit in making change, you will resist the process. It should be a benefit that you personally will experience. When I say benefit, I don’t necessarily mean tangible. The benefit could simply be enjoying someone else having fun, feeling relief, or personal satisfaction for a job well done. Basically, it helps when you anticipate some type of reward. Tangible rewards are obviously good too. Change is also more viable when you want it. We all know that changing because someone else wants you to can fail miserably and create all kinds of relationship problems including procrastination. Part of the problem of procrastination is in not seeing the benefit of the avoided task. If you can't see any positive personal benefit in a task, you will most likely chose something else to do that has more potential for immediate gratification – that is where the “ego’s agenda” creeps into your decision making. Juanita: Charles, your theory is a little different than many others in psychology texts. Would you give us an idea of your professional background, and how you developed your ideas? Charles: Sure. I’m a licensed psychotherapist and I practice in Tampa, Florida. For about twenty years I have worked with many kinds of people and problems. Over the course of my career I have looked for theories and techniques for understanding and treating human suffering. There is a lot of good information out there. I've looked at everything from Freud to physics including eastern religion to be a better therapist. Then a few years ago, I began a formal process of writing my own ideas down. WGPMBC is an outcome of that process. Juanita: Charles, what are you ultimately trying to convey to readers through your book “Why Good People Make Bad Choices”? Charles: Figure out what’s important to you, and live your life that way. Take some time to learn the method WGPMBC offers, and you will evolve into integrity and peacefulness. Life can be a busy and demanding experience. There are emotional ups and downs that can wear a person down over time. When that happens, we tend to make bad choices. We take our frustrations out on others, overeat, overindulge, yell, and cry. I know that there are quick fix therapies and techniques out there that offer temporary relief from problems. I offer a different approach that involves taking some time to understand your problems and develop real solutions. I think this approach has long lasting results. Juanita: Who did you have in mind when you wrote your book? Is it geared more for the professional community, or for the layperson? Charles: Actually it is for both, but primarily the layperson. I wrote the book so that it might appeal to a wide variety of readers. There is a mix of theoretical information and practical application. Juanita: What other applications would you suggest other than just the reader using it for themselves? Can it be used by couples, parents with their teenage children, or in conjunction with psychotherapy? Charles: The theory behind WGPMBC is widely applicable. The “ego’s agenda” is recognizable in couple conflict, and in misguided parenting. Although it is sometimes difficult to admit, there is a strong urge to want control of situations. When you turn that desire for control toward people, you can really do damage to relationships. I generally challenge my couples in treatment to look at their conflict as a type of subconscious competition where each one is attempting to gain control and/or power over the relationship, or each other. The object of this competition could be: who gets to decide, who is right, who is wrong, who gets to have their way. The same objects of competition apply to parent-child conflict. As a solution, in therapy we work on developing what I call a “cooperative relationship,” as opposed to a “competitive relationship.” This is part of the content I am working on for my next book. Either theory or applications behind WGPMBC can easily be integrated into many psychotherapy models. The theory can be used as a way to understand dysfunction in a dynamic way. And many of the methods, such as the development of a belief system and feeling management, can be used by cognitive-behavioral therapists. Juanita: Charles, how can readers find out more about you and your endeavors? Charles: Thank you for asking, and thank you for taking the time to talk with me today. It’s been a real pleasure. I have a website that is full of information, and you can also contact me there. The website address is www.CharlesLawrenceAllen.com. I have developed a web-based interactive resource called The Management of Painful Emotion. This tool is available as a beta version on my site. It guides the user through a method of emotional problem solving and is based on the theory of WGPMBC. I also offer counseling through the internet. Information on both of those resources is available on the website. I hope you come and visit me there. Juanita: Charles, we appreciate having the opportunity to talk with you. Your book sounds like a very informative and transformational experience, and we encourage readers to check out your website and book today. Before we depart, do you have any last thoughts for your readers? Charles: I hope you enjoy my book. And, please write to give me your thoughts on Why Good People Make Bad Choices. I’d really like to hear about your experiences as a result of reading it. Thanks again Juanita. Read Review of Why Good People Make Bad Choices |
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